Daniel Tomasulo The contest to win a copy of "Confessions of a Former Child" is open now until 9pm eastern U.S. time. The first person to answer the most questions correctly wins. Dan will announce the winner sometime after 9 pm.
Read the excerpt from "Confessions of a Former Child," then answer the three questions below.
*********************************************
From August, 1956 through April, 1961 I controlled the traffic and streetlights in New York City and northern New Jersey. It was a daunting task for a five-year-old, but by the summer of ‘56 I realized I had a responsibility I could not ignore. My identity and my mission were top secret. With the exception of terse, encrypted communications to the National Security Council and the CIA, I couldn't breathe a word.
From our fifth floor living room window you could see our corner streetlight. I don’t remember exactly how I found out about my power, but I do know that I, and I alone, controlled the changing of the traffic lights on every corner, on every street, in lower Manhattan and Union City, New Jersey. I figured if I ever traveled to such far away places as Pennsylvania or Connecticut, I would, of course, control the traffic and streetlights there as well. Red, yellow and green didn’t just happen by themselves; I brought them to life. I transferred my energy to the traffic light outside my window. My traffic light then sent an invisible lightning bolt to the top of the Empire State Building, which, in turn, gave all the other traffic and streetlights on every other street their power. The moonbeams, of course, would drain their power during the night, and the sun sucked the rest of their juice out during the day. I had a job forever. I was important. I was powerful. I was King of the Streetlights.
The ritual happened every night before bedtime. It was highly secretive. No one could know what I was doing, or the Evil One would stop the invisible lightning bolt from going to the Empire State Building, and shoot it back at me. If I got hit by the bolt, I'd be neutralized for a thousand years. Discretion was a life and death matter. No one could catch a glimpse of what I was doing; no one could know that I was the most powerful creature who ever existed. I had to keep the burden of that knowledge to myself. If others found out it could threaten national security and the balance of power in the free world. I suspected that an inter-galactic war might result if word of my ability got out. If the need arose I would, of course, communicate telepathically with world leaders. For security reasons they could not respond back to me. I simply sent them their instructions and watched them on the TV news. I wanted to make sure none of them made the grave mistake of mentioning my name.
Questions:
1) If Dan could re-invent the traffic light, what colors would he use for Stop, Slow, Go?
Questions:
1) If Dan could re-invent the traffic light, what colors would he use for Stop, Slow, Go?
2) What's Dan's current energy source?
3) At the age of five, who was Dan's favorite world leader?
3) At the age of five, who was Dan's favorite world leader?
40 comments:
I think I'm becoming addicted to having great authors hang around my blog.
I can almost smell their book-like ways through the electons. It's the smell of ink, sweat, cigarettes, alchohol, dirty socks....no wait. That's me.
Yes, I'm ready to party!
I am redesigning the streetlights as we speak :-)
Thanks for having me take part in this fun contest. I will check back later in the day after I have had a chance to check-in with the current world leaders.
LMAO!
1) He would stick with Red and Green, but there would be no "slow" color. Instead there would be a few seconds between when one direction turned red and the other turned green to give cars time to clear the intersection.
2) Dan's current energy source: Mountain Dew
3) Dan's favorite world leader when he was 5...Nixon.
1. Blue and red?
2. His daughter?
3. The Dalai Lama
1. He would switch them around and take out the yellow one completely because he wants to prove to the world his ultimate power by messing up traffic at his whim!
2. It always was and will always be the Moon.
3. Batman
1. He'd keep the same colors as now, but change the shapes—octagon for the red light, triangle for the yellow light, and circle for the green light—to help colorblind people.
2. Gaia, who sends Her energy into him when he walks barefoot
3. the as-yet-unknown John Lennon, who spoke to him through the traffic lights
I'm in the mood for some confessions.
Warm up exercise:
If you see an old lady drop a ten dollar bill, do you?
a) pick it up and return it to her
b) hide it under your shoe, then when nobody's looking stuff it into your pocket
c) clobber her on the head for the rest of her money
Let's discuss...
Good read!
OK, I'm in:
1. Stop would stay red, go would go blue, like the ocean, and caution? Hmmm.
I don't much like caution, but I guess you have to have it sometimes, so Daniel, I think, would've gone purple with it, a mix of stop and go, just like you feel when you're closing in on a caution light, and you haven't decided if you're gonna slow down and stop, or have fun and run.
So, purple, yeah. A nice, royally indecisive color.
2. Current energy source: no, it's not granola bars or vitamin water or running fast enough to qualify for Boston. It's laughter.
3. Mickey Mouse.
Oh, Chris - I hand it over to her, girl.
But what if it was some exec climbing out of his shiny limo? Then what? Same rules of honesty apply?
1) If Dan could re-invent the traffic light, what colors would he use for Stop, Slow, Go?
Trying to make me think, in the morning, before caffeine? Um. Why would he reinvent something he already controls? And the method of communication is in place and working well. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
2) What's Dan's current energy source?
Caffeine. The source of all things jittery and amusing. If he were a woman, I'd add chocolate.
3) At the age of five, who was Dan's favorite world leader?
1961? Let's see. JFK was in office, I think. Where was Gandhi? Was he doing his thing then? Would a five year old give a crap about what Gandhi was doing? I'd say his favorite leader was himself or maybe his mom since she made him his favorite dinner sometimes.
If you see an old lady drop a ten dollar bill, do you?
a) pick it up and return it to her
b) hide it under your shoe, then when nobody's looking stuff it into your pocket
c) clobber her on the head for the rest of her money
How old and how close to Mother's Day? Have to calculate the amount of guilt involved here. And are there any witnesses? They can be a right PITA.
Seriously? Give her the money back and offer to escort her home or carry her bags or something. And if I have it, add another ten spot of my own to the deal. Our elders are getting one heck of a crappy deal in life. The only reason that elder care is coming into focus is the baby boomers are creeping into that bracket and suddenly realizing what a mess they've let it become.
With prices rising, you think any of the government programs are rising to meet them? Not a chance. So the elders and those on public assistance are SOL.
Limo or not, she's getting her money back from me.
I give the money back, every time. If the lady in question is mean and snotty about it, I sometimes permit myself the indulgence of wishing I'd picked option 3. Robin S's question about the executive is going to keep me up at night, I can tell you that.
1) I have to tell Daniel that he was NOT controlling those lights singlehandedly, whatever he thinks. At least not by himself: he's older than I am, but I reckon I was still keeping my end up, all the way over in California. Plus, I kept planes in the sky and made evil people feel mean about the nasty things they did.
2) I'm guessing that his energy source is his readers because it would be mine. (Corny, but true.)
3) Ike. He had such a sweet, benevolent expression, like a well-behaved infant. Plus nobody else has suggested him.
1) Red would be stop, green would be go, but yellow would be 'go faster'.
2) The opposite of lightning
3) J. Edgar Hoover, for inventing FBI counterintelligence.
The first warm-up question has failed. Here are some easier questions to choose from:
Which would you rather kick? A kitten or a puppy?
Does your spouse/partner know you pick your nose?
Do you organize your underwear into piles?
Do you peep at your neighbors? If so, what's the most interesting thing you've ever seen?
Okay, now you have plenty of questions to choose from. Forget the old lady. She's home baking cookies and babysitting her grandchildren. There's a nice flower pot on her porch, and several blue jays call her front yard tree home.
Which would you rather kick? A kitten or a puppy? Neither!
Does your spouse/partner know you pick your nose? Of course he does. We have contest on who can mine the most.
Do you organize your underwear into piles? Yes, on the floor.
Do you peep at your neighbors? If so, what's the most interesting thing you've ever seen? No, but their son peeps at us through the hole in his window blind. I make sure I keep my clothes on.
I wasn't even aware that I picking my nose. Thank you for pointing this out to me.
Which would you rather kick? A kitten or a puppy?
We have a kickable kind of dog as he's that annoying, but he's also cute enough that we don't actually kick or kill him. Oh please. If I were religious, I'd be a Buddhist.
Does your spouse/partner know you pick your nose?
Not sure. She may have caught me doing it when I didn't know she was looking.
Do you organize your underwear into piles?
No. But my girlfriend does. And she folds it, for pete's sake. I just shove it in the drawer. Or maybe I do organize it into piles. There's the sock pile and the undershirt pile (thank god I don't have to wear bras) and the underpants piles - one of colors and one of black. Let's see, the socks are divided into everyday ones and dressier ones and the undershirts are sorted by color: grey, blue and black.
Do you peep at your neighbors? If so, what's the most interesting thing you've ever seen?
Not if I can help it. I'd rather not know any more about my neighbors than I already do. The youngest boy in the house behind me does peer at my through the fence and acts like I can't see him even when I talk to him. That one needs a lot of therapy.
LOL! Dan, are you taking notes?
:-)
Chumplet, you have to give him a little something to tell his friends.... heh hehehehe! :-)
Sarah, I love piles. And I love coming up with categories. But my underwear is in two piles: Victoria's Secret and Walmart.
Okay, I have to sign off for a few hours, but I hope you keep the guesses coming. And the confessions. This is good stuff.
I don't think Dan would change the colors. Might confuse him!
Current energy source: politically correct windmills, of course.
Most admired leader when he was five? Elvis, King of Rock 'n Roll!
And, I would never, never, EVER kick a doggie or a kittie!
1. white = stop; purple = slow; red = go
2. e-source is the web, natch ;) lol
3. leader = he-man [or she-ra]
...................
1. kick? both, they're stuffed! :O
2. no one else can pick your nose better, so... yeah!
3. uh, piles... not sorted
4. post midnight burial... no, wait, that was on the hitchcock show....
Questions:
1) If Dan could re-invent the traffic light, what colors would he use for Stop, Slow, Go?
2) What's Dan's current energy source?
3) At the age of five, who was Dan's favorite world leader?
Answers:
1. Purple, Day-glo Green, Flourescent orange.
2. From reading this excerpt I'd say "imagination."
3. Not that Dan is old or anything but probably Abraham Lincoln.
He would keep the same colors, but they would switch randomly, without warning, and to no particular pattern. Occasionally the light would be checkered or plaid to really screw us all up.
He is powered by the best energy source on Earth today: gourmet coffee and maple bar doughnuts
His favorite world leader was Bush, who wasn't a world leader yet, but was in his own childhooe bedroom late at night, plotting his future world dominating, energy guzzling ways.
As to the old lady who dropped the ten, what kind of cretin are you to just keep it? I would run up to her, tap her on the shoulder and say, here, ma'am, you dropped this, and hand her back her one dollar bill. (just kidding, of course I'd give it back to her.)
What would I rather kick? Whatever will sail the furthest off the tip of my shoe.
I only wear thongs - so no organization necessary- they're too small to really fold.
I never kick anything furry. Though I would kick someone kicking something furry.
Which would you rather kick? A kitten or a puppy? a kitten, but only if someone forced me to do it.
Does your spouse/partner know you pick your nose? yes, but I catch him more often.
Do you organize your underwear into piles? yes, but it's easy because they are all the same color white and granny.
Do you peep at your neighbors? If so, what's the most interesting thing you've ever seen? Yes, I do know what is happening in my cul-de-sac. But, I never see anything interesting except that one neighbor's GD porch light stays on all night and shines in my eye.
Which would you rather kick? A kitten or a puppy?
Kittens are more aerodynamic.
Does your spouse/partner know you pick your nose?
"Honey, what's that over there?"
Works every time...
Do you organize your underwear into piles?
I have a pretty pile, and a screw-it pile. But I think they've been inter-breeding.
Do you peep at your neighbors? If so, what's the most interesting thing you've ever seen?
Sock puppets.
I’m still recovering from a garage sell I had this weekend. Does Dan have any special powers that would eliminate junk from my house so that the packing for my impending move will go more smoothly???
For the first set of questions:
1) If Dan could re-invent the traffic light, what colors would he use for Stop, Slow, Go?
None of the above. He would remove all stop lights and control traffic with his crazy laser beam mind powers.
2) What's Dan's current energy source? His energy source used to be nuclear, but because of global warming, Dan has found a way to harness the energy of common household waste. As traffic increases across the country – and because he has secretly learned to expand the reach of his powers over the past several decades – sources close to the White House figure that all garbage dumps will be eliminated by the year 2025.
3) At the age of five, who was Dan's favorite world leader? I would have to say poet, Frank O'Hara. As Shelly said, after all, “Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.”
And for Christine:
1. It depends – did the puppy or the kitty pee on my carpet? I might kick both.
2. Does my husband know I pick my nose? Who do you think taught me my technique?
3. If I organize anything, it is in a pile. I call it the “pile-it” program. So I guess my answer would be “yes” I organize my underwear into piles. Currently, the pile is singular. I’m re-vamping my system.
4. Definitely I peep on my neighbors. I get some of my best writing ideas that way. Lately I haven’t seen anything too interesting, but once I got an eye full when I went out to this nursery to buy plants from the 99 year old man owner. His trousers were unzipped, and he wasn’t wearing any underwear. And, apparently, he was not Jewish.
/J@na aka bluesugarpoet
Which would you rather kick? A kitten or a puppy? A person.
Does your spouse/partner know you pick your nose? Fuck no!
Do you organize your underwear into piles? Yes, clean and dirty.
Do you peep at your neighbors? If so, what's the most interesting thing you've ever seen?
I've never peeped at my neighbors. Do you? What do you do, hang around until they come out and pretend you are a baby bird. Peep peep PEEP! However, at my parents place on the west side of NYC, they live on the 30th floor and the builing across the way has these large luxury apartments and half of them never draw their shades. Man these people parade around butt naked all the time. You don't need binoculars or nothing to see them. It's crazy funny! I should invite people and charge admission fees to watch.
AHAHAHAHAAH!!! you guys are too funny!!! I love these answers!!!!
:-)
Ello, all the more reason everyone should visit NY at least once.
I've never kicked dogs or cats, but I will move an annoying animal from one point to another by use of my foot. This is different from kicking; it is more of a foot transfer, handy when your hands are clean and your cat has just caught a mouse and devoured it messily on a freshly-laundered rug.
The nose-picking thing is a little controversial. My feeling is that if we weren't meant to pick our noses, our fingertips would be too large to fit into our nostrils. My husband is a rare man: even while waiting for the lights to change, he isn't tempted to pick his. So I am discreet.
I don't use binoculars or sneak about in the bushes, but when I pass houses at night, I always look at the windows. I love being able to see tiny snatches of domesticity -- people talking, eating, going about their business.
Oh this is fun! Okay, Dan, your excerpt really does demonstrate something I've known ever since I became a mother. Children really really do think the world revolves around them!
1. Like all men, Dan only knows of three colors
Red - Go
Blue - Go
Black -Fall asleep
2. Energy source? Hmmm. I see someone said Mountain Dew already. I'll one up it. Captain Crunch with Mountain Dew poured over it.
3. World Leader. I don't know, Dan's a couple of years older than me based on his excerpt. I'm not sure if Mr. Green Jeans was around in his day...but if he was...that would have been his fav.
OOO love games.
I'd pick it up and wave it in her crinkly old face. Then I'd say,
"If you want it, come and get it. Na na na na boo boo. Betcha can't catch me granny!"
If it was a Donald Trump type I'd shove it down my shirt and say, "if you want it, come and get it." He would of course because those types always do. Then I'd sue his @$$ off for sexual harrassment.
Oh my. I don't think I could kick either. Really. But if I have to answer, I guess...oh, I just can't do it. Not even in writing.
Yes. I'm a pickin' He's a grinnin'.
Underwear piles? Yup.
Neighbor peeper? No....but...we have a screamer next door. Even with the windows closed, I can hear her. So, um, I open my windows so I can hear her better.
I honestly have no idea about any of these answers - seriously, not even the $10 one (I mean, what if the old woman was Angela Lansbury? I need the $10 WAY more than she does. Then again, I'd just want an excuse to touch her, so....)
Here are my TOTALLY random guesses -
1. Chartreuse, Tangerine and Ochre
2. Kicking puppies - when they're airborne, they shed power, which Dan collects and siphons into a nifty tube in his elbow.
3. Mighty Mouse
Oh, and BTW - He-Man and She-Ra did not come out til the 80s. (My sister is actually She-Ra....ssh, don't tell. I am merely the Sister of She-Ra.)
1. Black, grey, white. Because those colors go with his books. And they're stylin'.
2. Red Bull and red whip licorice.
3. Daddy, of course. Mommy a close second.
1) If Dan could re-invent the traffic light, what colors would he use for Stop, Slow, Go?Double red, red, green.
2) What's Dan's current energy source? Raspberry Zingers.
3) At the age of five, who was Dan's favorite world leader?His Mom.
If you see an old lady drop a ten dollar bill, do you?
I'd be beset with guilt unless I gave it back to her! That's the problem with having grandmothers :/
writtenwyrdd gave all of the answers I was going to give. Like, all of them. Seriously.
@wyrdd: can we split the book if you win?
The contest is closed.
I'll make another post for Dan to announce the winner.
Thanks everyone for playing!!!
Your comments are hysterical!!
:-)
It is a tie!
Shauna and Robin S nailed it!
Shauna you knocked me out with John Lennon. How did you know? I think we were all waiting for something to believe in back then, eh?
And Robin for knowing that purple is a royal, yet indecisive, wavelength and that laughter trumps everything when you get right down to it.
Honorable mention goes to Colorado Writer for "my daughter" and ello for "the moon."
This was WAY more fun than I am usually allowed to have on a Wednesday--thank you for inviting me. Very inspired responses.
For the winners just email me through my website where to send the book and it will be on the way!
grats to all participants... laffed myself even sillier! ;)
Post a Comment