Thursday, April 16, 2009

New Blog


I have a new blog:

I did this because I feel there may be too much swearing, by all of you, embedded in these posts.




Okay, that's not it. I wanted a blogger address with my name. Plus I wanted a blog account to go with my new gmail address.

Hope to see you over there!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

There's Not Enough Room on the Road for the Two of Us

If you're ever driving in Dubai, here are some people to avoid:

1) At the top of the list are the British mums. Driving around in their huge-ass Japanese SUVs, a fag in one hand and a mobile in the other, nothing will keep them from High Tea. Just stay out of their way.

2) A close second are the Indians and Pakistanis driving the large construction vehicles. More than 70% of the vehicles in Dubai are construction vehicles, so this group wields tremendous power. They are imported for their ability to stay awake 18 hours behind the wheel. If you see one of them barrelling down on you, driving through red lights and over stop signs, just be smart. Stay out of their way.

3) Don't forget the Arab men here. Mostly from the U.A.E. and Saudi, they drive their Mercedes SUVs much the same way they drive their camels. In straight lines. Be smart. Stay out of their way.

4) Americans aren't so innocent, but are easy to spot with food sauce dripping from chin to shirt. Nothing will stop them once they're in the throes of a Big Mac attack. Dine at healthy locations, and you should be safe.

5) The Canadians may surprise you as being shitty drivers as well. Usually, they can be found in big American cars like trucks and jeeps. Canadian Cowboys. I have not figured out their fetish for the Old West out here in the desert. If you see maple leaf decorations on their vehicles, high-tail it out of their way.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Blip Me, Please!

A new addiction:

If you're there, I want to hear your tunes! Especially if they're country or folk music.

I love John Denver. Here's one of my favorites:

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Hark! Break

Orpheus with his lute made trees,
And the mountain tops that freeze,
Bow themselves when he did sing:
To his music plants and flowers
Ever sprung; as sun and showers
There had made a lasting spring.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly.
Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
That dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remember'd not.
Heigh-ho! and sing.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

World's Largest Book

Excerpt from

The world’s largest book has been commissioned for the world’s tallest building, the Burj Dubai. The book, which will chronicle the construction of the Burj, will be 16ft tall and made of some of the world’s finest silk-threaded paper. It will first tour 15 cities around the world before becoming a centrepiece in the Burj and will tell the stories of over 100 people who worked on the tower.

The tome, which will cost more than dhs5.25 million has been commissioned from Kraken Opus, a UK-based company that specalises in manufacturing high-quality outsized books. The company previously completed a giant book on the history of Manchester United football club that was recently sold at auction for over £1 million (dhs5.25 million). Chief Executive Karl Fowler said that book would be accompanied by a print run of 750,000 giant books with covers measuring half a sqm. The paper will be threaded with silk, which helps the print and photo quality and the binding will be hand-stitched so that 98 per cent of the page surface can be seen by turning the page. “With cheaper binds, the book is bound so tightly that you have to press the page down to read the print. We use the best materials because it makes reading more pleasurable,” Fowler said.

The giant book’s pages will be turned using a giant paddle. Fowler said that the money spent on the project was justified, even during the economic downturn. “Some of Hollywood’s most lavish, expensive films were made during the Great Depression. People need escape. We’re not making the book just for the here and now, we’re making it so that it can be read 50 years from now.” The book will be released shortly after the Burj opens later this year.


Anybody think of a title for this book?


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'

'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'

Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'


Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.


Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Friday, February 13, 2009

I Need a Badge, Dammit!

My eyes are buggin' out of my head.

I'm done with editing, but not done with hyperventilating.

Last week, when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, I sent out three queries. Thought it would be great motivation to finish, which it was. I didn't want to get on the query train, but I did need this motivation (in addition to the koala smackdown). One came back a prompt 'no.'

Then the Hotmail server went down (at least for me.) Couldn't access email for 2 days (Stop before you laugh and imagine....) Then hotmail came back on--for an hour--just in time for me to see that an agent did request my ms.

But Hotmail is back down again.

Imagine if I hadn't seen that request? That days or even weeks went by, me not editing seriously and trying to avoid the koala.

So I've been at the computer for more hours than I can count, and I'm finished. I actually feel quite pleased with the story, and will get on that query train next week.

I'm also on Gmail now.

Gmail allows you to import contacts. But first I have to open Hotmail to retrieve them. ahem.

Will collect my luvvies one by one next week.

For now, I'm going to go stare at the television....

Sunday, February 8, 2009

In the Midst of Editing...

I will be visiting your houses, taking advantage of your hospitality and all the finer trimmings of life.

But over here, alas, the electricity will be off for a while, as I wordsmith some words, hoping to live up to the McChallenge of the Koala.

(Updated to include the graphic. I'm living up to the McChallenge, so I should have a cute koala over there with a low threat level, but I just LOVE this particular pic!)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Rabbit Hole Chronicle

I'm going to call my Dubai Chronicles "Rabbit Hole Chronicles" so I won't be googled for Dubai, but rather for rabbits.

Dubai Chronicle 17: Where are the Keys?

The airport parking lot is more crowded than ever these days. Seems expats looking for a quick way out leave their cars, with keys inside, at the airport parking lots.

They leave the keys in their houses as well.

It's like this. If somebody wants to purchase a house or car, then he has to write three years worth of postdated checks for the mortgage/note.

If the checks bounce because you don't have cash, you get thrown into prison.

Hey, even though this is Dubai, the prisons are still Middle Eastern style. Yanno.

Most of the prisoners are expats who have lost jobs and can't pay their mortgages.

These people are good reasons why anyone who loses their job in Dubai packs their suitcases and goes on vacation. Yeah! That's it. Vacation.

But, nobody is really saying that Dubai is in a recession.

Banks aren't giving loans anymore. You have to buy your houses in cash up front. Who has that kind of money? Well, aside from the Russian mafia. (The Russian mafia was referenced in an 'Oldie but Goodie' chronicle from last year.)

Dubai is just about broke.

But Abu Dhabi isn't.

That's all I know about cars being left at the airport.

As always, I'm a fiction writer, so I take gossip and second-hand news very seriously.

Have a great day.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Rabbit Hole Day

I've been cruising around different Rabbit Holes, and wanted to join the celebration if it's not too late.
Thanks FairyHedgeHog for starting this!

I was organizing my email folders a few days ago, getting ready to send out a new batch of Dubai Chronicles, when I accidentally deleted just about all of letters M through Z in my email list. Shite, I'm a very stupid person. Also lazy. I'm not looking these up again.

So, in honor of Rabbit Hole Day, I'd like to post my first Dubai Chronicle of 2009:

Hi Everyone,

There was a new ride at the children's park today. Painted across the bottom pole, a bit of its history: Property of U.A.E. military.

Imagine a gigantic trampoline with bungie appartus attached. Did the desert sun and hot, salty air corrode the elastic bands? Maybe. Maybe not.

Were the wobbly metal poles meant to wobble? Maybe. Maybe not.

Did the attendant holding a white cloth over his nose and mouth (which smelled like a chemical unknown to me), and with one reddish eye and one yellowish eye know how to do safety checks? Maybe. Maybe not. But Things 1 and 2 thought it was absolutely safe because it looked so damned cool. I told them no, at first. But after two hours of whining, I strapped them both into the harness and borrowed the attendant's happy towel.

NOTE: The photo above isn't the ride. But just imagine converting the above into a sling shot of sorts and having your children want to get in...this is what I'm talking about.